Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
