You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
