Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
