Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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