i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
