just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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