If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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