you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
