you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
