So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
