I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
