the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
