Hey man sorry I got all grabby
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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