just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
this hospital has no fireball
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
