Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
