I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
