why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
