I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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