Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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