I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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