In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
