things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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