kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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