Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
