Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
