Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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