but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
