I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
