plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
