omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
