I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
