So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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