The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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