I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
