She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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