she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Randomize
