Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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