You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the day after is always just damage control
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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