i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
