Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
