If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
