I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
