he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
