I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
