you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
