Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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