He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
