Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
