i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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