if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
