I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
