Where is the hickey?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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