come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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