Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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