There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
