i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
